Racers will gather down at the shore and pick their own winner [stone]. Before race everyone pick his or her favourite stone, rock or boulder. The race is not open for pebbles (se below under Contestants and Note). Since we have plenty of stones, boulders and rocks spread out, in a not too uneven layer, all over the shoreline - this should not present any bigger problem.  

(Make sure you remember which stone is yours - this is very helpful later on during the race).

This is no game this is a sport. Read and understand the rules and regulations before racing. Ignorance is bliss, but no defence.

Measures and initial position

Race stone must be of minimum size 2 (two) feet across. Recommended size though, is one to two (1-2) meters (roughly 3-6 feet) see Hints below. The stone can be close to the waters edge but well away from the shoreline, the stone must not be covered by water (see below under Race and winner).  

Contestants

The race has amateur status worldwide and there are no qualification races. The race is open for native Ladonian stones only in the first place. The race can accept foreign competitors under special permission and only after doping tests and valid vaccination papers.

Pet rocks, fossils, meteorites, petrified alien skeletons and other semi-professional contestants might race under special circumstances.

Absent drug testing and doping test are no options in these cases!

(See below under Note). 

Racers with foreign stones (see above) will know that claims what so ever for hefty shipping cost (from Texas - or anywhere) will not be considered!

Racers race on their own risk and expense.

Observe, that all racing stones (foreign or native) must comply with the stone mass factor of native Ladonian stones. (+/- 2 % deviation is accepted). This means generally that a stone younger than 600 million years is not accepted.

Start, race and winner

After that all Stone racers have picked a Race Stone (see Tactics below) the starter will announce a time for the race to begin. When the time comes, the starter will say his: “Gentlemen, my ladies, gentle women and others - choose your stone!”  And after noting that all is ready by or on their stone, the starter utters the now famous words: “Ready, Steady, Sit down” 

Then all racers will kick back, relax to wait and see if their stone make a breakneck journey across the Ladonian shore down to the waterline.

Betting is totally allowed and refreshingly non-illegal. And remember, racing is more important than winning!

The relaxed starting doesn’t allow for false starts so that we don’t have to deal with.

If a racer unfortunately is split in twain, the racer has double the chances of winning only in the freak occurrence that the stone is split exactly in half. Otherwise the racer goes on with the race, now racing with the biggest bite. Judges will weigh with letter balance exactness if it's not obvious which part is the bigger.

The racer whom’s Race Stone first making it to the waterline (see Note below) is not the winner of the race. This only indicates that the race is over and that the measuring takes place! The winner is the racer with the race stone that has travelled the longest way during the race.

The measuring is done in foot and inch. (The foot is the actual size of the foot of Cultural Attaché - Minister of Art & Jump, which so happens to be 260 mm. The inch is the length of the thumb of the same Cultural Attaché and Minister of Art & Jump, which is 30 mm).

Clothing (uniforms)

Racers may use whatever clothing or uniforms they see fit. Traditional rules ethics and regulation applies. Skimpy shorts and tank tops, body paint (this is highly encouraged), hats and bandannas are usual.

Disguises such as false-nose-and-glasses (a la Groucho Marx) are frequently occurring. The Stone Race also warmly welcomes the Early-Olympic-traditionalists, which prefer compete in the nude (especially on July 4).

Race Jury and Race Judge

As in other cases the Cabinet transform into Court and takes all racers under consideration. Claims and accusations to be dealt with in a Double ÿP! Yellow card-ish way if necessary. Chez Le Screemin’ Bass’ Bartenders views will be taken into special consideration as verdicts as both Judge and Jury.

Hints

Since it’s a long race, choosing a big stone in the sun means you can lie down on it and warm your tired self while thinking about nice things, watching the cloud races and perhaps waving to the other stone-racers. Lying on the stone also means that you can hitch a ride on it’s back during the race and thus letting yourself rest during the race.

A tip is to bring your own beverage and food and make a pit stop in Chez le Screemin’ Bass. (There you can bring all your drinks, hand them over to The Bartender and pay a modest service-fee to get them served to you in the order and fashion as you and The Bartender agree upon.)  On a lucky day our Lord Sigwhig, Minister of Idleness, might honour the bar with his actual presence in the flesh, serving the brought beverage.

It is easy to follow the Stone-race from the bar since there is a wide panorama-whole in the wall.

Tactics

Being a fairly slow race, with traditional measures, there might be tactical issues to consider! Use your creativity and imagination while picking your winning stone. There aren’t two stones alike or two positions alike. The obvious winner might not be as good as one first can imagine. Who knows for instance what nature forces that will apply them selves to what stone on the Ladonian shore?

Luck might play a big role in the race, but tactical choices and creative imagination will surely help. The boulder or stone you pick can be overgrown with seaweed on the bottom side. It might glide better that way. You never know. A rock can also be more exposed to freak twisters or lightning strikes and therefore gaining a big lead. One can also calculate possible snowdrift influence. May the best stone and racer be lucky!

Note

·        All cheating is prohibited. Cheating is not allowed. Cheaters will be expelled and disqualified for the rest of the race. Controls will take place randomly and without forewarning.

·        The waterline at the start of the race is what is also considered finishing line. If the waterline goes up depending on tide, wind and weather during the race it doesn’t affect the outcome of the race. A stone covered in water isn’t the same as a stone reaching the water.

·        No help as nudging, kicking, shouting, whipping or coaxing in any way is allowed! Patting is on the other hand allowed, but no lifting of any sort! Stone brutality will not be accepted! Racers that display inappropriate behaviour towards their stone will be disqualified.

·        If the audience intervene unknowingly and moving a Race Stone this is considered a force of nature. The Ministry of Art & Jump will judge, or appoint someone to judge how unsuspecting the audience influence is in that case.

·        Each contestant may mark his or her own stone for easier recognition. Be advised, in cases where racers start nagging over who’s stone is who’s – disqualification has taken place in the past. Duct tape is the only sanctioned means for marking of Race Stones.

·        The race is not open for Pebbles; this is to not make the mistake of ending up with pebbles on steroids in the starting fields. This is today sadly a huge problem throughout the stone racing community abroad. Even if yet a stoned pebble in Ladonia have to be found, we are not willing to risk encouraging the doping subculture among the Ladonian stones. Drugs and stone racing does not belong together. Fine racing stones has come to sad ends in the past. Winners do not use drugs. Drugs = Verboten!

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Deeper philosophical meaning behind the seemingly dimwit race. “The only thing constant, is change”

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History of Ladonia Stone Race 

The Ladonia Stone Race, as we know it today, bears little or no resemblance with its ancient forerunner. In fact it was neither a game nor a competition in those long gone days that disappear in the mists of time. Only Ladon knows how old this tradition is or how far back it dates. But well preserved rolls tells about The Three Wise of Ladon who every 100 year met on the shores of Ladonia and held meetings, that where both court, and sacred meditation-like gatherings. Our old stories tell about The Three Wise that came together to sit. They sat on the stones and boulders of our ancient Ladonian shore and watched civilisations be born, grow old and crumble into dust. 

They held the torch of knowledge and didn’t grow old as the rest of the humans around them. It’s said that they where “the Eternals” (a honorary title still given to Ladonian Ministers of today). They never ate during their “court-meetings” (to use a notion we can understand, but that holds little or no resemblance with what The Wise actually where doing).
Their meetings could go on for up to five years at the time and they were not asleep and not awake. The Wise where at these meetings like in a suspended animation, something that looked like trance or meditation. They where the guardians of time and space and had a key role in transition from winter to summer and other phenomenon we can only start to wonder about. Some say that they where the ones that saw to it that civilisations was born, other says they where the force that conceived the world and reality as we know it today (not that we know much, but the more we learn the more evident it is that we know so very little).

Some ancient stories says that the Eternals where the key to Intelligence, Imagination and Creativity. We can only hope to understand what role they played in the eons that has passed. But today we honour their memory with the Ladonian Stone Race that springs from their sitting on the stones. This racing might help us get closer to the elements; help us gain an understanding for the nature of things. And maybe even bring us closer to our minds, our human nature and ourselves. The race let us contact our inner self and help us rest our restless minds bent on activities.

Ladonia Stone Race is probably the only race in the world that truly does anything to people.

Ministry of Art & Jump
Wotan City, Ladonia